soup’s blog

Today, when I asked my self how I felt about a particular person I realized that I did not love him anymore. And this feeling, it's so relieving. I'm not bound by imaginary chains anymore. Go wherever you want, do whatever you feel like doing and believe. I'm young all over again.

For the past one year, I had been feeling almost old because I had started liking someone. He, of course was much older to me. He wasn't even married so there were chances of us sparking of something. But I got treated like a kid. Most of the time a kid, sometimes an adult. As confusing it all was, it's over now. Officially. I gradually grew out of it and don't harbor any sort of fluctuating feelings towards the said person. It's all neutral.

Welcome, new life.

One render done so far....

Created in: 3D Studio Max, photoshop used for the materials. Reference for model: stockxpert.com

One render down, 11 more to go.

Rend_soup

I know the element are simple. But that's how it's going to be.

God, this is stressful.

Okay, tomorrow is the last day of college before the final exams begin. We will have a class photograph taken and I am going in casuals. Yes, looking nice is the criteria but not at the cost of my inconvenience. I don't mind being the odd one out. Hey! I'm not being rebellious, just comfortable. When I feel like dressing up, I shall.

That apart, I won second place in a poster competition conducted by the international studies department of neighboring college. The competition was judged by some members of the Red Cross. The topic was " Women and Children in Armed Conflicts". Here is the poster--

Ghg

I have finally decided what I want to model for the 3D Walkthrough. With not much time left, I have chosen what's closest  to home. Yup! I'm modeling a house, but not a family sought of one. It's an inn in the woods!I'm calling it " Inn the Woods". It's going to be ultra cozy.Will post a video once its done. Ages to go before that!

The love I feel is reflected in my being. Though we live in this world of imaginary boundaries, and we need something to touch and feel. Letters, Phone calls, messages, e-mails, gifts...I feel beyond the need for reassurance; Like it is something that I need to make stay!

And then suddenly, I'm mortal again. In a world of false justifications.Where every word that I speak must bring something in return. The feeling is going away.

 Sharing isn't the right habit that we must be teaching little kids. It's letting go that must really be learned in abundance. Sharing is the superficial quality that offers something of a start to the heart of letting go. To jump straight into the ocean or take it step by step is left to personal choice. But there are no stair cases in an ocean. Perhaps, if we're lucky, some rocks or a drift wood. But nothing concrete or grip-worthy. We feel this pull because we can't give with all our hearts. We can't let go without attaching a single thought to something. Same goes to the words that comes out of our mouth. Hence, our listeners don't feel like taking them. Half left behind, half taken.

If only our teachers could say, " Here's something I'd like to give you all! Take it do whatever you deem worthy to do with these...all yours!"

If only education was like that. Then perhaps, we could all see different colored stars in the night skies.

O.k, the power had to go off when I was typing my previous post. The crux of it: Find something to believe in, in every damn thing you do.

I feel thats what sets quality in life. It's not about wearing designer clothes or going to all the swanky places, rather in doing things that you honestly believe in. It's not easy to stay too true to intentions either. It's only normal to deviate.

So every time I'm lost, I believe in my existence. When I hear that heart beating I know that it's not yet over. It makes me seek out that uniqueness in life. It's my quality.

Does anyone get the feeling when I say..."Imagine a paper shredder getting heated up for a run...The massive amounts of papers are chucked through it without any consideration.Yet the paper shredder works with all the enthusiasm it can muster.Stack 1, Stack 2, Stack...T-H...R---E...BANG!POOF! HISSSSSS....."

It goes up in smoke.Yet, hope is not completely lost. The people who push keep pushing. So the result= Paper is shredded only at irregular intervals.That too without much zest.

Thats what happened to my brain this morning when I started studying for the exam. Eighty-five pages. Are these people kidding? My brain is already slurring...lets see- The random words that stick in my head after the grueling session:

MEDIA MANAGEMENT
Television rating points
People's meter
Television viewership ratings
Media Buying and Selling
Expenses and Revenues
Product/price/place/promotion
Blah

I can't take the effort anymore. All I can hope is that tonight's rest can ease things down a bit. I absolutely need to run through the notes again, atleast to remember the various subheads.

Anywho, away from the depressing topic now.

So what's the good in life?
I have come as far as episode 43 in NANA. The anime is too dramatic but hey! It's not me who's telling the story.

I realized that tolerance is a very important part of life. Sharing a room with your sister, having a guest home when your exams are on and having cats around the house when you're prone to skin problems are all a part of the test. I must, I must, I must learn to live- with ALL.

Organization attracts me more than it can influence me. That's why I prefer departments to office. A singular word can make a lot of difference. Somehow, it reduces the stress on my brain. In this world where the rules are so loosely based, it helps a lot to define boundaries of control even if they are just lines drawn on a sheet of paper and nothing more. We gotta start somewhere to make it there!

I personally don't believe in conspiracy theories. But I do believe in chances and weaknesses, laziness and defeat. "Stuck-up" is the right word for it. Looking beyond is a thing only a few can accomplish at all times. I hope to be one of them.

Our national newspaper requires graphic designers and I have plans on applying for the post. I don't really feel like writing my resume now. I feel too uptight and formal in this mood. So I thought I'd blog a bit.

Damn, I have an exam on Monday. Like I'm worried. The thing is, somethings work better if you don't try too hard. I don't want to start on the bitchiness I attribute with our teacher but I've been driven to neutralize on the effort part that I put into the paper. Stay cool. No point in worrying.I might as well have some  fun while the wind still blows my way. There will always be time when I need to huff and puff to move my boat forward.

If only we all remembered that the real goal in life is to live. Then, we wouldn't worry so much would we?